Anxiety is a complex topic and has various causes.
If you have suffered a serious traumatic event, that can cause anxiety. If you have anxious parents, that can cause anxiety. If you have a chemical imbalance, that can cause anxiety. And, of course, we ALL experience some level of anxiety.
It’s part of being human.
If you have experienced trauma or may have a chemical imbalance, I’m not qualified to help you. I would seek professional help as soon as possible for those issues.
For general and social anxiety, here are 5 things that can help:
1. Give to give.
Much of our social anxiety comes from trying to GET something from someone.
Are you trying to GET a job when you network? Are you trying to GET numbers, dates, or sex when you go out?
Switch your mindset to “What can I give?” and that social anxiety will melt away (incidentally, you will end up GETTING more too; ironic, I know). The key is to give for the sake of giving, not to try to GET something in return = No Pressure/Resistance.
How do you feel when a beggar asks you for money? How about when a “Red Bull Girl” hands you a free Red Bull?
That’s how everyone feels when someone gives them something awesome vs. someone trying to get something from them.
Be like RED BULL (except be healthier for people…).
Instead of doing what everyone else does, try giving out bottled water or Red Bulls outside the club next time you go out. Try introducing people to each other. Try listening instead of GETTING your points across.
The more you give freely, the less anxious you feel, and the more the world gives back.
2. Learn to receive.
This is some high-level stuff right here (start with giving to give first).
Once you shift your mindset to giving just to give and NOT to GET anything in return, you will need to learn how to receive all the returns that come to you.
Don’t deny others the good feelings that come from giving to you.
It’s actually MORE vulnerable to receive than to give. It requires the self-trust to know who is giving to you and who is manipulating you.
However, if you don’t learn to be comfortable receiving, YOU WILL ONLY HAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE TAKERS.
It’s actually riskier to always give and never receive because only takers will stay in your life.
Give just to give (give 10x what you want to receive if you can), and then receive what the true givers out there want to give you.
3. Beginners mind.
Stop expecting to be good at things right away.
Being good at something has nothing to do with your value as a person.
Start where you are and improve. Being okay with not being good at something will help with general anxiety.
Yeah, you suck at whatever it is, AND you’re awesome anyway.
That’s one reason I love reading biographies so much; your heroes SUCKED at what they are known for at first and then got really good over time (including walking…).
For example, did you know George Washington, first President of the US, lost his first election bid for the House of Burgesses in Virginia? Or that he literally paid to get voters drunk so he could win his 2nd attempt? Or that he had his supporters show up early to the polls during his 3rd election to voice their support so people would think his opponents didn’t have a chance?
No? Oh, well I guess it’s okay for you to totally suck at whatever new things you want to do then isn’t it? =)
4. Make a quick decision and stick with it.
Another thing that causes anxiety is indecision.
Try this: next time you’re at a restaurant, choose the first thing that sounds good, close the menu, and STICK WITH YOUR DECISION.
Even if the waiter tells you about an amazing special or your friends are ordering something that sounds better, go with your original choice.
This is a great, low-risk way to start practicing decisiveness and self-trust. Keep expanding from there. Being more decisive will eliminate some of your anxiety.
BONUS: Napoleon Hill found in his study of 500+ millionaires that the main thing they had in common was DECISIVENESS. He found the most successful people tend to make quick decisions, stick to them, and change them SLOWLY, if at all.
5. Own your “dark side.”
You’re not perfect and you’ve made some serious mistakes. Maybe your family is embarrassing. Maybe you have regrets. Maybe you don’t have the car, house, or body you want at the moment. Maybe you’re NOT happy all the time and have issues…
Welcome to the human race!! =)
Everyone has a “dark side.” (Carl Jung calls it the “shadow self.”)
Guess what, we KNOW you have one and nobody cares that much except you. We are much too concerned about our own dark side to give a rat’s ass about yours (unless we like to take our insecurities out on you). <===avoid these people.
The more comfortable you are with your beautifully imperfect self, the more comfortable we are with you.
And, the less anxious you will feel.
Of course you’re not perfect.
Accepting ALL parts of yourself can go a long way toward alleviating anxiety. It also helps you relate to others because they will sense your self-acceptance and feel more comfortable being their true selves around you.
There are MANY more things you can do to deal with anxiety. This list should get you started.
Here are 2 more quick thoughts about anxiety that may be helpful:
1. All of your fears and anxieties are “justifiable.”
They are NOT a reason to put yourself down AT ALL. They all come from somewhere and don’t just happen for no reason. They most likely come from a place of you trying to take care of yourself.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work to eliminate them or look for healthier methods of self-care, but it’s important to start with accepting where you are right now.
2. To start separating fears that are helping you from fears that are preventing your growth and happiness, just ask yourself, “Is this fear preventing actual physical injury and/or death OR is it just trying to keep my ego/self-image safe?”
Your fears often try to keep you in place because your mind knows how to deal with “who you are” now. Changing is uncertain, unknown, and scary even if it’s positive.
Once you become aware that a fear is protecting you by preventing your growth, you are ready to grow. You can thank your fear for trying to protect you and move forward anyway.
