Are You Giving or Begging?
So far, I’ve found that there are just about 7 ways to get something that you want in life:
- Begging for it,
- Fighting/Competing for it,
- Stealing it,
- Tricking other people into giving it to you,
- Randomly finding it or “getting lucky”/accidentally getting it
- Exchanging something for it, and
- Attracting it by giving FREELY or by being valuable…
Let’s say, for example, that you want some money.
To get some money, you can:
- Go to the grocery store parking lot with a cardboard sign and beg for some.
- Go on a game show or play in a poker tournament to compete for some or to win some.
- “Accidentally” bump a guy on the subway and steal his wallet or rob a bank for some.
- Con people like Bernie Madoff did (and later go to jail) for some.
- Find a $20 bill on the sidewalk or hit the lottery jackpot for some.
- Exchange some hours of your labor for some.
- Create something other people genuinely need and/or want and sell it to them or become a celebrity so your mere presence is worth paying for to get some…
Just off the top of your head, which of these do you think is the most powerful, sustainable, healthiest way to get money?
Well, I can tell you one organization who has employed option #7 to great effect (you can probably come up with lots of good examples yourself…).
You may have heard of them: it’s a little company called Red Bull.
The executives who started Red Bull in the US really understand how the principles of attraction work.
Here’s their brilliant marketing plan in a nutshell:
Have cute young women and athletic young guys drive around in a Red Bull truck and GIVE EVERYONE THEY SEE A FREE RED BULL (and sometimes a little literature about the brand with it…).
And, they try to concentrate on events where people are likely to want an energy drink.
How has this strategy worked out for them?
Well, they are now the most recognized energy drink brand in the world and have a massive, extremely profitable worldwide empire.
And I can’t tell you how difficult it is to compete for shelf space in the drink world.
Now, Red Bull dominates shelves in convenience stores and grocery store aisles all over the globe…(if it was actually healthy for you, I would be even more impressed…but that’s a topic for another day. Today’s topic is about the best way to get the things you want in life; especially women).
Compare Red Bull’s “giving” strategy with the local beggar in front of the supermarket’s strategy…
I think it’s pretty clear which one gets better results…Yet many men unknowingly follow that “beggar” strategy when it comes to women even thought they would never do it in any other area of life…
The One Who Gives Has the Power
Some Native American tribes from the US Northwest used to (maybe they still do?) hold a ceremony with another tribe called a “Potlatch” every so often.
Basically, one tribe would invite the other to their village and host a huge feast. They would give the other tribe as many gifts as possible and even destroy some of their own prized possessions in front of them.
Then, the other tribe would host the first tribe at their village and try to give even more…
The tribe who was able to give the most was proven to be the more powerful, wealthier tribe.
A wise man once told me, “You receive through the hole you give through,” (that’s worth writing down).
How does that translate to dating women?
Glad you asked…
WARNING: It doesn’t mean that you should “give her everything…” because that doesn’t make a woman more interested in you…
The key is to look at ALL of your dating behaviors, one by one, and ask yourself which ones are begging behaviors and which ones are giving behaviors.
Here’s the golden question:
Are you offering women GENUINE VALUE from THEIR PERSPECTIVE?
Or are you TRYING TO GET something from them?
Begging Gets Meager Results; Giving is Better
Don’t get me wrong; begging gets results or nobody would do it. The guy outside the grocery store will eventually get enough money to buy his bottle of booze for the day…
However, giving gets you better, more sustainable results…
AND your self-worth grows instead of diminishing…
The key then, in a dating context, is to know what women REALLY value in a man (not what you think they value, WISH they valued, or that they think they value but don’t actually RESPOND to) and then offer it to them (it’s different than what males value in a female and it’s not what society says…).
So what do women ACTUALLY value deep down in their subconscious minds, hard-coded by thousands of years of evolution (so you can give it to them)?
What Women REALLY Want
The first thing is the most obvious:
Physical Attractiveness
However, females don’t view physical attractiveness the same way males do AT ALL…
For women, the way she evaluates you when she first sees you includes all sorts of factors that your mind would NEVER think of:
-Your style of dressing and how accurately it represents who you REALLY are…
-Your body language, including tone of voice and eye contact…
-Your health and fitness level…
-Your perceived level of resources without you trying to convince her of them…
-Your perceived social status, including how many women she thinks already want you (pre-selection)…
-The context and environment that you’re in…and, of course:
-Your genetics as displayed by your face and body <===This along with youth and fertility is most of it for us, but not for them…
NOW, most of those things are within your control and you can work on them starting today…
HOWEVER, that’s not nearly even close to the whole ballgame when it comes to a woman falling deeply in love with you and staying that way.
Initial Attraction is the Beginning of a LONG Story…
A woman just has to find you somewhat appealing for some reason when she first meets you for you to have a chance with her (assuming she’s single or her man is on the way out…)
That’s when the real “love campaign” begins:
Let’s say she finds two versions of you equally physically attractive…
In that case, what is it that causes her to fall in love and stay in love with version A of you and to be repelled by and leave version B of you?
OPERATION 4-4
In this article, we’ll cover the 4 things that make her fall deeply in love with you if she likes you even a little bit in the first place…
Then, we will cover the 4 specific things that KEEP her in love if you manage to get her there to begin with…
Make sure you fasten your seat belt and STAY TUNED because these concepts will have a powerful effect on you, your life, and every woman you meet from now on….
I’m pumped for this because I LOVE talking about this stuff (and I love the RESULTS that come from it even more…)!
Let’s begin by talking about 1 of the 4 things that cause a woman to FALL deeply in love with you:
- High Internal Value
What does high internal value mean exactly?
It means that you have high self-worth and you show it in all of your actions.
What’s the difference between high internal value and cockiness?
COMPARISON:
Cockiness is, “I’m better than you” or, “You’re not as cool as me.”
Self-worth is: “I’m not better or worse than anyone else, I’m just awesome.”
The more you TRULY believe the statement above and the more you show it through your dating behaviors, the more attractive you will be.
Why?
Because women tend to agree with your TRUE, DEEP, GENUINE self-appraisal. She will tend to think about you what you think about you as demonstrated by the way you behave (not what you say)…
Your real internal value automatically increases when you ACT like you believe in it and your behaviors automatically start changing when you ACTUALLY have more self-worth, so it’s a positive, self-reinforcing cycle.
That’s why it doesn’t really matter if you start with changing your beliefs or behaviors.
So what are some practical ways that you can demonstrate your high internal value via your behavior while you also develop your real mental game and real self-worth at the same time so you can be more attractive immediately?
Here are 7 practical ways you can apply high internal value through your dating behaviors starting today:
- Stop trying to convince women to like you and start encouraging them to convince you to like them.
Why?
Because if you truly value yourself, you have specific things that you are looking for in a woman and you want to see if she has them.
When you demonstrate that without coming off like you’re trying to be superior to her, it’s wildly attractive (because most guys, the ones she rejects, have no standards at all…AND because she feels SPECIAL if she meets your specific standards that don’t have to do with her looks).
Any time you catch yourself saying something or doing something ONLY for a woman’s approval, notice it, then stop doing it immediately. With a little awareness and practice, you can eliminate all of these behaviors one by one.
- Take every insult you ever get as a HUGE COMPLIMENT.
Because your self-worth is so high, it doesn’t even enter your reality that someone (especially a woman) wouldn’t also think you’re amazing.
The next time a woman gives you a hard time, say, “Awww…You’re SUCH a sweetheart! Thanks so much!” and give her a genuine, winning smile. TRULY take it as a compliment and react to the context of that instead of her words.
Let me know what happens when you try this out (if you’re not too busy getting texts from beautiful women begging for you to come over…).
- When you’re telling a woman a story that YOU think is awesome and you get interrupted (by the waiter, she starts talking, etc.), DO NOT CONTINUE telling your story unless she asks you to.
Move the conversation forward and LET IT GO.
The ability to do this demonstrates extreme self-confidence because you don’t feel the need to finish your awesome story to convince her to like you.
- When you’re talking to a woman and she finishes a thought or a story, pause 3 seconds before you start speaking.
This will usually encourage her to keep talking and fill the silence.
When she shares a lot about herself with you and she senses that you don’t feel any pressure to keep the conversation going or feel the need to convince her how awesome you are, she becomes wildly attracted to you and starts to feel attached at a deep level…which brings us nicely to #5:
- Get her talking.
Your job in dating is mostly to keep the conversation moving and get her to talk as much as possible.
It should be 60/40-80/20 in terms of how much she talks vs. how much you talk.
This “sharing ratio” demonstrates subconsciously who is trying to convince who to like them more.
She can ONLY be attracted to men that let her convince them to like her and don’t feel the need to convince her to like them (that’s you).
Feel comfortable sharing, but keep it to a minimum and encourage her to share more.
Use the words, “Is there more about that?” and “That’s interesting, tell me more about x…” a lot.
Ask her open-ended questions that allow her to talk for a long time instead of “yes/no” “interview” type questions.
- Ask her qualifying questions.
Encourage her to explain why you should like her vs. every other girl out there without explicitly saying that.
Find out what makes her unique.
Ex: “What’s your favorite thing about yourself?”
or, “What’s something you secretly want to brag about?”
or, “What’s something awesome about you that I wouldn’t know by looking at you?”
or, “I value authenticity. Would your friends say you’re an authentic person? Give me an example of a time you could have been fake but you decided to be REAL instead.”
Etc.
- Approve of her.
When she answers one of your qualifying questions, give her approval. That makes her feel good and still keeps you in the attractive position (whoever is giving the approval is the more attractive one).
When she shares something personal, you never want to put her down.
Even if you didn’t like what she shared or you disagreed with it, don’t be rude.
You can always say, “That’s interesting,” and move the conversation to a new topic…
Okay, so, to recap, there are 4 things that cause a woman who is initially interested in you to like you more (fall in love with you).
The first one is HIGH INTERNAL VALUE.
From now on, start acting like you’re awesome (without being BETTER…), because it’s the TRUTH.
Isn’t it cool how, all of a sudden, for some reason, you just KNOW you’re awesome and your value is NEVER in question?
It’s such a huge relief…
YOU ARE A BADASS and it’s time to start acting like it without diminishing others.
And, watch how your new level of comparison-free self-belief spreads to everyone around you…especially the women around you who all think, “Hmmm…there’s just something about this guy…” and, “Something’s different about him today…”
Let me know how it goes…
Now, let’s talk about #2 out of the 4 things she CRAVES if she’s interested in you initially:
- Internal Strength
What does internal strength mean exactly?
The quick, dirty, simple, easy-to-understand definition of internal strength is your ability to say no to her when necessary, stand up to her when necessary, and leave her when necessary.
As unromantic as it sounds, if she KNOWS at a DEEP, SUBCONSCIOUS level without you telling her that you have the ability to walk away from her and be just fine, she will like you MUCH more.
In fact, when a situation comes up that allows you to demonstrate your internal strength and she FEELS it, that’s usually when her strong interest in you is solidified (not when things are going perfectly).
So what are some practical ways that you can demonstrate your internal strength via your behavior so you can be more attractive immediately?
Here are 5 practical ways you can apply internal strength through your dating behaviors starting today:
- If you disagree with a woman, let her know (especially if you really like her).
If she knows that you’re able to disagree with her without being disagreeable and putting her down (respect her view and opinion also), she will start to realize that you might be the kind of man who has the internal strength she can TRUST.
- If you see her flirting with other guys, DO NOT REACT.
From now on, all other men in the world are like her brother in your mind.
Good-looking women might even see if you’ll be jealous right away by talking about other men and gauging your reaction.
They might say, “Oh, yeah, I used to date the star quarterback at USC…” or “My ex-boyfriend used to take me around in his Corvette…”
Make no mistake, these comments are not an accident (at least in her SUBCONSCIOUS MIND)…
She wants to see how you’ll REACT.
You demonstrate internal strength by being “NON-REACTIVE.”
You are not jealous of other men EVER (at least you don’t let her know you are) and YOU are the cause of your emotions, not external events or the environment. <===This is the RARE, INTERNAL STRENGTH that females CRAVE.
If you’re at a party with her and you see her talking to other men, pretend it doesn’t affect you and just see how she handles it. See if she realizes what she’s doing and if she comes back to you or if she ignores you the entire night. It’s a good indication of how she’ll be when you’re away later on if you keep dating her…
She should eventually come back to you, and if you leave with her and she realizes you didn’t get jealous, she will be more attracted to you.
The best thing to do in that situation, if you can, is to talk to other women when she does that.
She’ll probably ask you, “Hey, who were those girls you were talking to?” and you respond with something like, “Oh, just a little quality backup (smile at her).”
If you’re on a date with her or she’s your girlfriend and she KISSES another guy in front of you, obviously don’t call her again or break up with her. But you don’t have to get mad about it. Just move on.
The less you REACT to what she’s doing and the more you CREATE your own emotional states, the more attractive you’ll be and the more options you will have. It’s VERY RARE and VERY VALUABLE to women.
- When you’re in a relationship with her, say no to her at least once a month.
You don’t have to say no to her all the time (that’s not good either), but she has to KNOW that you’re willing and able to say no to her once in a while.
Trade a little short-term validation for some long-term attraction and love. It’s worth it.
- If she’s acting silly, let her know in a firm yet gentle way.
Just stop her, look her in the eyes and say, “HEY…you’re being silly right now. Let me know when you’re done. :)” or something like that.
Don’t do this all the time, but if you are able to “put her in check” sometimes without being a total jerk about it, she will appreciate it.
She wants to know that you can be cool in her emotional storms. You are the flag pole and she is the flag.
5. If she tries to leave you, let her go. If she does something you don’t like, let her know without getting upset (and don’t put up with it). If she does a “deal-breaker,” leave her.
Even if these strong behaviors end your relationship with her, they will make you MUCH more attractive to every woman you meet after that. And, your self-worth will go up because you’re showing yourself that you are valuable via your actions.
If it isn’t a true “deal-breaker” situation and you stand up to her without getting emotional about it, she will fall deeper in love with you.
Again, passing these situational tests is what makes her fall in love with you, not your “resume stats.”
Now you can start to see these situations as GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES to make her like you more.
Okay, so, to recap, there are 4 things that cause a woman who is initially interested in you to like you more (fall in love with you).
The first one is HIGH INTERNAL VALUE.
The second one is INTERNAL STRENGTH.
If you find it scary or difficult to implement these behaviors, you’re not alone. There’s a reason why they are so powerful and attractive.
If they were easy to do, they would lose their value.
However, the more you do them, the easier they become. Make them part of who you are. Because you ARE a valuable, attractive man.
Now, let’s talk about #3 out of the 4 things she CRAVES if she’s interested in you initially:
- Preselection
What does Preselection mean exactly?
The simplest definition of preselection is that if a woman thinks other women on her level are attracted to you, she will be attracted to you also.
Think about that for a minute…
Let’s say you’re sitting in a nice, comfy booth having some dinner at your favorite restaurant…
Then, a stunning blonde walks in wearing a form-fitting dress. She looks incredible…
Now, imagine that same woman walking in….only this time she has five sharp-looking dudes in grey suits around her.
Now, let me ask you a question:
Do you find the second version of her with the dudes around her more attractive?
Probably not…
That’s why preselection is so hard for guys to understand: it just doesn’t have the same effect on us AT ALL.
So why does preselection affect HER impression of YOU? Why would a woman find YOU more attractive if you walked into the same restaurant with five good-looking women than if you walked in alone?
In other words, why does preselection work?
Well, it’s actually quite simple once you understand the inner workings of the female brain.
See, a woman has to know at a deep, subconscious level that you have the internal qualities she’s seeking (while we’re mostly looking for youth, fertility, health, and good genes, which we can detect much more quickly). And, in order to find out, she TESTS YOU.
In other words, she watches how you react to various situations…
And, when you pass all of her tests, she feels attracted to you and then falls in love with you because you have SHOWN her that you have the qualities she responds to.
However, when she thinks that other women on her level already want you, she doesn’t have to test you, because you have already passed those same tests in the minds of those other equal females…
She knows those other women wouldn’t be with you or be attracted to you unless you have the qualities she’s looking for because female minds all require the same things from males.
It’s a short-cut for her mind…she doesn’t have to find out your value because other women have already done the work for her.
Also, there’s always an implied competition among females and they want to win.
So, it’s a turn-off if she thinks you’re after every woman, but it’s an extreme turn-on if she thinks every woman is after you.
And again, this is mostly SUBCONSCIOUS, but it explains all kinds of behavior that might seem strange to you as a man (I don’t know about you, but a woman surrounded by guys isn’t all that appealing to me…).
This is why once you have a girlfriend or a wife, it’s easier to get women.
It’s easier to get them all than to get one.
In fact, a recent study found that men with wedding rings are perceived as being more attractive.
Strange, I know, but only because you’re a man…
So what are some practical ways that you can use preselection that will make you more attractive immediately?
Instead of giving you a few specific ways to apply preselection, I’m going to give you a GOLDEN QUESTION you can ask any time to decide what you should do in ANY SITUATION with a woman that will make sure preselection is working for you.
This question is one of the biggest keys to your dating success.
THE GOLDEN QUESTION:
If you genuinely liked her AND you also had 8 other women on her level that you liked just as much her texting you and asking you out, what would you do?
Would you relax a little bit more?
Would you take your time and go a little slower?
Would you wait a little while longer before you were SURE that she’s good for you?
Would you have higher standards and truly try to find out if she meets them?
Would you be so worried about whether or not she texts you back/likes you/etc.?
Would you take more calculated risks because you know you have more options?
The answer to the golden question always shows you the optimal thing to do when it comes to dating…
…and when you act like you have other good options without being a dick or being direct about it (don’t TELL her about other women, ACT like you have other options indirectly so she SENSES it deep down without bringing her conscious attention to it), she will FEEL it and it will work for you.
Of course, the best thing to do is to cultivate a lifestyle that you love so that not only do you REALLY have lots of good options, you also truly love your life whether she wants to be a part of your party or not <===This feels like preselection to her subconscious mind too…
BONUS:
If you’re already in a relationship and you feel her interest in you starting to slip, one way to get it back up to where it should be is to SUBTLY introduce some preselection back into your relationship.
For example, you could casually say, “Hey, btw, Jenny from the office asked me to have coffee with her at work today…not sure what that was about…so strange,” etc…and then move on as if it was a random, meaningless comment.
…Okay, so, to recap, there are 4 things that cause a woman who is initially interested in you to like you more (fall in love with you).
The first one is HIGH INTERNAL VALUE.
The second one is INTERNAL STRENGTH.
The third one is PRESELECTION.
I want you to ask yourself the GOLDEN QUESTION and the follow-up questions listed above over and over again as soon as you’re done reading this article. Let them roll around in your mind and let me know what cool insights you get into how they explain your successes and failures in the past with women.
Then, start using preselection to your advantage with every women you meet from now on.
Now, let’s talk about your SECRET WEAPON when it comes to dating.
This quality will allow you to compete with men who are wealthier than you, better-looking than you, and who have better personalities (all real, no hype here).
Which is good because there will ALWAYS be guys who are better than you in some way or another no matter how amazing you are (and that doesn’t matter when you demonstrate the 4 attractive qualities we’ve been discussing, especially this one…).
It’s extremely powerful, effective, and RARE, mostly because it goes against everything you’ve been taught about dating and most of your own instincts.
That’s why it’s such a great equalizer: it’s simple and any man can apply it, but ACTUALLY applying it correctly is extremely difficult (especially if you REALLY like her)…
So, please only read this if you prefer good-looking women chasing you to settling for halfhearted hugs from women you barely like on Tuesday afternoons…
Here’s #4 out of the 4 things she CRAVES if she’s interested in you initially:
- Challenge
What does challenge mean exactly?
Let’s start with what it DOESN’T mean this time:
Being a challenge does not mean acting “aloof” and pretending you don’t want her.
It simply means that she must continue to earn your attention and that you’re not “easy.”
Women love to chase a guy they’re attracted to, and being a challenge ALLOWS her to chase you.
If you’re constantly texting her 10,000 times a day right after you meet her, when does she ever have time to think about you, wonder about you, wonder whether you like her or not, or to chase you?
Challenge simply means that you give her the gift of earning your attention so that when she gets it, it FEELS SO MUCH BETTER to her.
Why would you cheapen your attention when the truth is that it IS valuable? <===Maybe there’s an internal belief to work on a little bit here for some of us?
So what are some practical ways that you can demonstrate challenge via your behavior so you can be more attractive immediately?
Here are 3 practical ways you can be more of a challenge through your dating behaviors starting today:
- Back off on the compliments.
Limit yourself to 1 genuine compliment each time you meet up with her. And, instead of just complimenting her, add a “playful challenge” to them to make them even better.
I’m sure you’ve heard the term “push-pull” by now. What that means, basically, is that only pulling (complimenting her/giving her approval) and only pushing (putting her down/pretending you don’t want her/challenging her) are BOTH unattractive behaviors.
The key is to compliment her AND challenge her at the same time (push-pull) and do it PLAYFULLY so she can accept her attraction for you with a smile on her face.
So, “You’re so awesome…it’s really too bad I’m not attracted to you at all (playful smile),” is a MILLION TIMES BETTER than:
“You’re so awesome!”
OR
“I’m not attracted to you at all.”
So, limit the compliments in the early stages of dating, and if you want to give her some approval, just follow it up with a fun, playful, teasing comment.
And then watch how easy it is for you to FEEL her attraction for you now.
- Don’t do any big favors for her in the beginning stages of dating.
If you just met her and you’re not her official boyfriend yet, DO NOT:
-Wax her car
-Help her move
-Mow her lawn
-Fix things around her house
-Take soup to her grandma
Etc.
Now, once you’re her official boyfriend and you’ve been with her for 2-3 months, go ahead and help her move across town if you want. For now, she has friends that can do that.
Also, when she asks you for little favors, you can do them, but ALWAYS get something first.
So, if you’re at a bar with her and she asks you to hold her purse while she goes to the restroom, ask her to grab you a drink on her way back.
If she asks you to pass her a napkin, make sure she says, “Please.” Don’t do it unless she says “Please.” And, if she says please when she first asks you, say, “Of course, but only because you said ‘Please.'”
It sounds unromantic, but when you’re not so easy, she values you more.
And listen, I didn’t make up how this works. It’s not my fault that doing little things for her that seem like no big deal might gain some short-term approval but also cause her to LOSE ATTRACTION for you. It’s not my fault that being a little less easy will make her more attracted to you.
Remember: attraction is similar to frustration in the beginning stages.
You have to ask yourself: Do you want to be her handyman while another guy dates her and sleeps with her, or do you want to be her man?
Up to you boss…
- After you have an AMAZING date with a woman, DO NOT immediately ask her out again, ask her when you can see her again, or start texting her back and forth all night/the next day.
I know it’s hard when you really connect with an awesome woman, but you have to decide if you want her to be more attracted to you and/or fall in love with you or not.
If you want to give her the gift of increasing attraction and the feelings of deep love for you, then you MUST be a little more mysterious and give her a little more space in the early stages.
Plus, you really want to get to know her in person. It’s better for both of you than trying to build your relationship over technology.
So, after your date with her, you can send her ONE short text if you want like:
“Thanks for the fun time tonight Amber (or her funny nickname). :)”
That’s it. And then, if she texts you back, don’t respond unless you HAVE TO.
For example, she might say, “You too…Good night! :)”
DO NOT SAY “GOOD NIGHT” back.
Let her text to you be the last one in that conversation.
Definitely DO NOT ask her to hang out again the next day.
Then, keep your texting with her to a minimum over the next several days. You can text her back and forth a little bit if she texts you, but keep it fun and don’t ask her to meet up again yet. Try to let her text to you be the last text of each conversation if you can.
Give her some time and space to wonder about you, to think about you, and to let her feelings for you get stronger.
Then, after a few days have gone by, ask her to meet up again on a specific day, at a specific time, and for a specific activity.
Do not ask her when she’s available, when you can see her again, or tell her you want to see her again on your dates.
If she likes you and she can’t make or doesn’t like the date you suggest, she will come up with a different day or activity that works for her.
Don’t put the burden of planning your next meetup on her.
Simply wait a little while and then ask her out again in a very direct way. Plan everything and ask her to join you. If she comes up with a better idea, go with it, but always assume that you will have to plan it all.
And, if SHE asks YOU to meet up, accept her invitation every time if you can go unless she asks you to meet up the same day as her invitation (you are busy if she asks you to meet up later tonight) – in that case ask her to hang out at a different specific time and date (“Ya know what, I already have plans tonight but I’d love to meet up with you tomorrow night at 7…does that work for you?”).
Then, repeat this process after the next date until she asks you to be her boyfriend or something like “Where is this relationship headed?”
If she likes you at all, she’s single, she has a good attitude, and she’s relatively psychologically healthy, this will make her like you more and eventually fall in love with you.
We WANT HER to CHASE YOU…and if she’s texting you and asking you out or hinting at meeting up with you again, she’s chasing you. So, give her the opportunity to chase you.
Don’t take that away from her by texting her constantly and asking her out again immediately like every other guy who thinks he might “lose” her if he doesn’t bombard her with his overwhelming interest.
Fight the urge to go super fast with her and go slowly instead to encourage her to chase you, because when she’s chasing you, she becomes more attracted to you and eventually falls in love with you…
AND, if she’s chasing you (asking you out, etc.), how can she “reject” you or leave you at the same time?
That’s the kind of question that can truly change your life…
Okay, so, to recap, there are 4 things that cause a woman who is initially interested in you to like you more (fall in love with you):
The first one is HIGH INTERNAL VALUE.
The second one is INTERNAL STRENGTH.
The third one is PRESELECTION.
The fourth one is CHALLENGE.
If she likes you to begin with, her interest in you will increase in direct proportion to how often your behaviors demonstrate those four qualities.
Every time your behavior demonstrates the 4 attractive male qualities, her interest goes up.
Every time your behavior shows her you don’t have them, her interest in you goes down.
It really is that simple (but not necessarily EASY).
If your BEHAVIOR demonstrates those four qualities most of the time, her interest in you will rise over time until she’s “in love with you” (her real, genuine interest in you is as strong as possible).
The better-looking she is, the more options she has, and the less times you can behave incorrectly and still win her attraction and love.
That being said, nobody does this perfectly 100% of the time. Start where you are now and shoot for 90% and you will get everything you want when it comes to women.
RARE is the man who demonstrates these qualities at any level, much less most of the time.
Now you’re one of them and women will LOVE you for it.
Again, if you find it scary or difficult to implement these behaviors, you’re not alone. There’s a reason why they’re so powerful and attractive.
If they were easy to do, they would lose their value.
However, the more you do them, the easier they become. Make them part of who you are. Because you ARE a valuable, attractive man.
Remember: it usually takes about 2-3 months or 6-9 dates for her to feel what we call “love” (VERY strong, lasting interest) for you…even if she likes you a lot to start out with.
That’s why you have to go SLOWLY to succeed with women: they fall in love MUCH slower than you.
The way you feel about her after your first interaction with her or your first date with her is how she will feel after maybe 3-6 dates, assuming you’re awesome.
So you gotta let her catch up….
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
She’s in love with you…What Now?
Now, let’s say you did everything right during the first 3 months and she’s completely head-over-heels in love with you and you’re her official boyfriend (well done sir…it’s rare that a woman gets to feel such feelings because most guys take a bullet train straight to “rejection-land” instead of giving her the amazing gift of falling TRULY in love….btw…did you know that MOST married women are NOT in love with their husbands?):
How do you make sure she STAYS in love with you whether you want to stay with her for a year or 99 years?
There are 4 things that keep her interest in you extremely high if you get it there in the first place and they are NOT the same 4 things that cause her to FALL in love…
That’s because, at this point, you’ve already won (and so has she, btw…we’re all about win-wins here). She already recognizes your value. And, she has earned your attention by treating you well.
So, now we must reward her for her high interest to keep it at a high level instead of continuing to try to raise it.
It’s time to shift into “relationship maintenance” mode…
This is where most guys fail because they think that once they have a girlfriend or wife, their work is done…
So many people get into great shape for their wedding night and honeymoon, get a tan, whiten their teeth, and treat each other well only to “relax” and start taking each other for granted right after that.
Not you, my friend. You’re way too smart for that. You take a long-term view at all times.
Because you’re a winner.
You understand that dating a woman and having a long-term relationship takes a little work to maintain forever, and that it’s worth it if you want to have a sweet, adoring girlfriend or wife instead of an annoying, nagging shrew and if you want to avoid a nasty breakup or divorce and maybe even the possibility of some other guy raising your kids…
The great news is that once you learn exactly what to do, it’s not necessarily HARD; you just have to take action and do it.
And now that you know how to make a woman who likes you a little bit MORE ATTRACTED to you and how to make her FALL IN LOVE with you, let’s cover the 4 things that make her STAY in love with you once you get her there.
If you know all 8 of these things and master them via your behaviors, you will gain total control over your dating life and a woman will never leave you unless you decide to end things with her.
AND: if you’re a “nice guy,” you’ll probably like this part even more. Chances are you’re better at the next 4 things we’ll talk about, and all you have to do is use the 4 attractive male qualities TO GET HER THERE FIRST.
Are you as excited about this as I am? I hope so…
Keeping Her Interested
Have you ever been broken up with, divorced by a woman, or cheated on?
If you’re like almost every man out there, the answer is yes. And it sucks.
The worst part is that the man usually has no idea that a breakup or divorce is coming, but in the woman’s head it’s been building up for months or years…
Well, I’m here to tell you that having a woman leave you is a completely avoidable and unnecessary experience…once you understand women.
So, now we’ll talk about the 4 specific things that KEEP a woman in love once you get her there so you never have to worry about a woman wanting to leave you.
Sound good?
Excellent…
The 4 Things That Keep Her in Love with You
The first thing that KEEPS her interest in you sky-high is:
- Positive Attention
This is where most men fail miserably once they get into a relationship. Not you.
In order to keep her in love, you have to keep dating her and keep giving her positive attention…
What does positive attention mean exactly?
Positive attention means ACTIVELY paying attention to your girlfriend or wife in a POSITIVE way.
And the word paying is very deliberate…
…because the cost of her continued high interest in you is paying her with your positive attention.
When it comes to a long-term relationship with a woman, positive attention means:
-Continue to date her.
This is the most important thing you can do once she’s in love with you. Most guys stop dating their girlfriends or wives at some point and then wonder why she’s eventually unhappy “all of a sudden…”
No matter how busy you are and how many kids you have, continue planning dates with your girlfriend or wife as long as you’re with her.
The goal is to take her out once a week…but NEVER go more than a month without going on a FUN date where you don’t talk about all the negatives in your life like your bills, credit card debt, in-law problems, etc.
It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. You can take her on a quick hike or grab ice cream or coffee. Just make sure to have FUN with her.
Keep asking her out like you did in the beginning of your relationship once a week to once a month as long as you’re together.
Plan everything yourself and choose a specific day, time, and activity. If she has a better idea, go with it, but otherwise, you are the LOGISTICAL COORDINATOR, so it’s your job to lead this part of your relationship.
As a wise man once told me: “If you don’t date your girlfriend or wife, some other guy might…”
Again, this is absolutely the most important thing (after respecting her in a general sense) that KEEPS her in love with you. So, do it. 🙂
Make it the same priority level as a work meeting, job interview, etc…because it IS if you want her to stay in love with you.
And if you don’t want to go out with her, it’s probably time to reflect on whether or not you want to continue a relationship with someone you don’t even want to date once a week….
Invest in her feelings for you a little bit once a week and reap the returns forever my friend.
-When she wants to show you something or tell you something, give her your full attention for a second.
You can go back to watching the game as soon as you pay her a few seconds of positive attention.
“Oh, those new shoes are awesome honey! Thanks for showing me. I’m looking forward to seeing you wear them on our date next week. What’s that? You want to know where we’re going? No way…that would ruin the surprise. :)”
OR
“That’s so interesting. I had no idea.”
Whenever she asks for your attention through her actions, give it to her. Once you pay attention to her for a few seconds, she will usually leave you in peace in a happier mood.
Then you can get back to what you were doing….
Simple, but not necessarily easy.
Make it a habit to pay her a few seconds of positive attention whenever she asks for it.
If she wants to talk about something serious and you’re busy, just ask her if you can talk at a specific time: “Hey, I really want to hear what you have to say and I also want to finish watching Game of Thrones…Can we sit down and talk about this in 30 mins?”
If you chose a woman with a good attitude, she will be happy to go along with that most of the time.
-When she does something you like, actively let her know.
It’s SO easy to notice negative things, especially after being with someone for a long time.
So we have to make it a new habit to notice and point out the positives.
The time to tease her and challenge her is before she’s in love with you (and a little bit forever to keep it “spicy”).
Now, complimenting her BEHAVIORS is a good thing to do as often as you can:
“Hey, I really appreciate that you put $100 into our joint account today.”
“You know, thanks so much for picking up the kids. I appreciate it.”
“I love watching you read to the kids at night.”
“You are SO sexy when you’re all sweaty from working out…”
Etc.
Also, continue saying “Please,” “Thank You,” “Good Morning,” and Good Night.”
All of these LITTLE behaviors have been shown to have a HUGE effect on her feelings for you over time.
And remember, the presence of positive behaviors is more important than the absence of negatives…
So, actively create a positive relationship with her by doing all of these little things and she won’t even THINK about ever wanting to leave you (assuming you chose a good one…).
The key is to treat her like you did when you first started dating her as much and as long as possible. If you wouldn’t do it on a first date, don’t do it now.
So, once she’s in love with you completely, make sure you give her POSITIVE ATTENTION. If you do, you are 1/4 of the way home when it comes to MAINTAINING her high interest in you as long as you want.
Now let’s talk about the second thing that KEEPS her interest in you sky-high:
2. Respect
There’s a reason respect is the number one value of the mafia. They understand how important it is when it comes to human relationships and group unity.
What they don’t know is that respect applies to a woman staying in love with you even more (again, if you managed to get her there in the first place…).
What does respect mean exactly?
Well, you know what respect means already, so I won’t go too deep into defining it for you. What I will do is give you several examples of how respect applies specifically to dating a woman.
When it comes to a long-term relationship with a woman, respect means:
-Never scream or yell at her (I shouldn’t have to mention never hitting her here, but that’s an obvious one also. If you would do that, go get help with your underlying issues and stay out of a relationship until you get a handle on them).
-Don’t check out other women when you’re with her. Don’t talk about other women with her either.
Imagine what it would be like if she kissed another guy in front of you…that’s what it feels like to her IF she’s truly in love with you. So don’t do it to her.
She will notice and appreciate it because in the back of her mind she knows you will always find other women attractive and that you are showing her respect (and internal strength, btw…).
-When she has what you think is a silly idea, don’t make fun of her or her idea.
Support her instead: “Hey, yeah, we can work on that together…”
She should feel safe expressing herself with you, even if you don’t think her ideas are all that amazing. You don’t have to be fake, just respect her and don’t be RUDE.
Otherwise, date someone else.
-Listen to her without trying to solve her problem. Just let her talk it out.
Then, say, “Is there more?” and let her keep talking.
Women generally like to work things out through the process of talking. Let her solve the problem while you just provide a space for HER to work it out by talking about it.
After she’s completely finished, say something like, “You’re such an intelligent woman, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
DO NOT offer her advice UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU FOR IT specifically. Then, by all means feel free to give her advice.
You can always say, “I’m confident you’ll figure this out…is there any way I can help?” when she’s done talking.
Otherwise, treat her like a capable adult who can handle her own problems. And, if she’s not, consider dating someone else.
If you listen to her without trying to solve her problem, judging her, or giving her advice, you have no idea how RARE and ATTRACTIVE you will be to her.
Give it a try.
If you can’t listen to her for a couple minutes a day, you shouldn’t be with her.
Of course, there are many more things you can do to show her respect, and I’m sure you can come up with a few more yourself.
On the other hand, when you disrespect her, it erodes her interest in you over time. So just do it. 🙂
So, once she’s in love with you completely, make sure you give her POSITIVE ATTENTION and RESPECT her. If you do, you are 1/2 of the way home when it comes to MAINTAINING her high interest in you as long as you want.
Ohhhh man…this train’s really starting to pick up speed now…
If you implement just 25% of what we’ve already covered, you will be one of the most attractive men in your city…
But why stop there?
Let’s keep going to make sure you have total control over your dating life and so you never have to worry about a woman breaking up with you or giving a divorce attorney a huge chunk of your hard-earned money.
Here’s the third thing that KEEPS her interest in you sky-high:
- Teamwork
Did you know that the first antonym on dictionary.com for teamwork is “divorce?”
Quite the accurate statement, dictionary.com…
What does teamwork mean exactly when it comes to maintaining a woman’s love for you?
Essentially, teamwork means that you should date a woman who loves to do things for you and NOT take advantage of her.
That’s the best situation for you if you want to stay with a woman long-term.
Now, you can choose to be with someone who never thinks about doing anything for you if you want, and we’re not trying to be with someone who takes care of us because we already have a “Mom,” but it’s much better for you over the long-term if your woman enjoys doing things for you vs. never thinking about it.
Here’s where teamwork comes into play with that:
IF you manage to choose a woman who has a naturally giving personality, if you don’t reciprocate a little bit and appreciate her, she will eventually RESENT you and it will diminish her feelings for you.
So, find a giving woman and then appreciate her giving attitude and be fair with her according to your own internal sense of fairness.
In other words, don’t take advantage of her.
When it comes to a long-term relationship with a woman, teamwork means (notice the overlap with respect):
- Give her encouragement. Give her moral support. Give her positive reinforcement.
- Make her look good when you’re in public. Show her you’re on her side.
- Talk to her about your big decisions before you make them.
- Stay with her if she’s in the hospital.
- Accept her imperfections and different worldview.
- Work out your differences with her calmly.
- Work out how you will share responsibilities in a way that works for both of you.
- Do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. without her having to ask you. Be equitable. If she cooks, put the dishes away. Don’t take advantage of her.
- Listen to her for a few minutes every day. Give her that time.
- If she has a problem, don’t try to fix it for her, but support her in fixing it.
- Support her ideas. Offer to help her implement them, even if you think they’re silly.
- Give her support, encouragement, solidarity, and faith.
- Be her equal partner in all things.
- Don’t be her psychotherapist, her teacher, her coach, her father, or her son; be her lover and teammate.
- Your ideal attitude is, “I believe in you and I’m here to support you 100%.”
- Treat her as your equal teammate.
So, once she’s in love with you completely, make sure you give her POSITIVE ATTENTION, RESPECT, and TEAMWORK. If you do, you are 3/4 of the way home when it comes to MAINTAINING her high interest in you as long as you want.
And now let’s get into the fourth and final thing that KEEPS her interest in you sky-high:
- Positive Humor
What does positive humor mean exactly when it comes to maintaining a woman’s love for you?
Well, hard times are guaranteed in life, and a positive, playful attitude expressed via good humor makes life’s difficulties more tolerable. It’s a valuable gift you can give her.
If you’re often playful and use humor positively because you don’t take yourself or life too seriously, humor makes your relationship better.
However, studies also show that negative humor use makes relationships worse.
If you use humor as a way to avoid dealing with things or to subtly put yourself or other people down, it’s a negative.
When it comes to a long-term relationship with a woman, positive humor means:
- Cut out the self-deprecating humor.
- Don’t use humor to avoid important issues.
- It’s great to playfully tease her, but cut out humor that truly puts her down or subtly tries to control her.
- Don’t make jokes that put other people down either.
- Don’t take yourself or life too seriously. Don’t take things personally. Stay playful and positive as much as you can.
- Entertain yourself and share it with her.
- Laugh at her silly jokes.
- Make her laugh as often as possible, just not at your expense. Tease her lightly but never put her down.
- Maintain a light, playful, fun environment with her as much as possible.
So, once she’s in love with you completely, make sure you give her POSITIVE ATTENTION, RESPECT, TEAMWORK, and POSITIVE HUMOR.
If you do, she will stay in love with you as long as you want (assuming you got her there to begin with and she’s relatively psychologically stable…).
Does it take a little bit of work to maintain her positive feelings forever?
Yes.
Can it be done?
Yes.
Is it worth it?
That’s up to you.
Of course, there are other things you can do to make your relationship better. However, how much she likes or loves you is the number 1 factor in how strong your relationship is, so it’s extremely important to start here.
And, if her interest in you slips below the “she’s completely in love with you” line, you will have to go back to demonstrating the 4 attractive male qualities, and then, when her interest is back where it belongs, start the maintenance program again.
It’s far better and easier to just do the things that will maintain her interest than to try to keep building it back up again and again.
I really hope you enjoyed this article and got some usable value out of it.
Let me know how it goes!
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
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