How to Act in Spite of Fear
In December 2014 I left the warm confines of my “safe,” society-approved job with a comfortable salary and great benefits to publish my book and start my own business.
The number one word people have said to me since the day I quit has surprised me:
“BALLS.”
The day I announced my departure, one high-ranking officer of a large organization leaned over in his perfectly-tailored, expensive suit and whispered to me in confidence, “I never had the balls to do something like that.”
I thought to myself, “Well, it took some kind of courage to get where he is, for sure. How interesting for him to say that to me.”
I let his comment fly away until it kept coming back to me over and over again in the following weeks: “I wish I had the balls to do what you’re doing.” “You, sir, have some big balls.”
Beyond the questionable link between an overt sign of masculinity and “bold” actions, people were basically saying that I have some kind of mysterious quality that they don’t have that allowed me to leave my job to do what I really want to do and that they don’t have it (or don’t have it yet).
Oh how I wish that were true.
I would love to have magical superpowers (especially the ability to fly). I would kill to have a lifetime supply of the drug in “Limitless” with no side effects.
Unfortunately, I have no mystical qualities or miracle drugs. I am just like you.
I have been completely terrified throughout the process of leaving my job, publishing my book, and launching my business.
I was minding my own business doing laundry about a week before the last day at my former job when a sudden wave of panic washed over me. I randomly doubled-over in agony in front of my dryer.
“What the hell are you doing?!” I asked myself.
The day the Kindle edition of my book was available for pre-order on Amazon, I was so scared I was shaking when I went to the grocery store. I could barely talk to the cashier.
Have I mentioned that I got paid to meet and talk to people for six years?!
I cannot possibly tell you the amount of self-doubt I have experienced or the number of moments my mind has raced with thoughts like, “This book is stupid. Nobody will want to read it. Your business ideas are never going to work. Go back!!! You. Will. Fail.”
Of course, most of the time I’m just fine and I’m generally excited because I love what I’m doing and where I’m headed.
But if you think for one second that I have had some kind of foreknowledge about how this will all work out and that the reason I have been able to take action toward my true path is some kind of certainty, a lack of fear, some inborn trait, or elephantitis, you are sorely mistaken.
So, how did I take action even though I was as scared as a 13-year-old boy at a school dance?
Better yet, how can you act in spite of your fears and move closer to your authentic path?
~After all, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.~
Here are 8 things I did that will help you take action in spite of fear:
1. Reach out for mentoring, coaching, and support.
I didn’t willingly give up my “safe” path.
For many years, I did personal growth all by myself. When I finally reached out for a coach, she was the one who pushed me to make a true decision between earning a PhD and becoming a college professor and starting my own business.
I was actually “mad” at her for “making” me choose because it was painful at first.
However, that decision was what allowed me to focus on one path. It’s the reason my book actually got finished and how I was able to leave my job. If I had never committed, nothing would have ever happened. I wouldn’t have made that commitment without my coach.
I encourage you to find someone in your life that can lovingly push you in the right direction for you.
Additionally, I sought out people who have achieved EXACTLY what I want to achieve (in their own way) and learned how they do what they do. I used this information to create a plan that has a very good chance of success. This may be the thing that finally allows you to “pull the trigger” (it was for me).
Find someone who has what you want (or close to it) and learn everything you can from them to make your own plan.
Nobody succeeds alone.
2. Write out the worst-case scenario.
Explore all of your fears. Go into them fully.
Write out the absolute worst outcome you can think of if you take a risk to pursue your authentic path.
It was powerful for me to see what I was so afraid of in writing. It doesn’t sound as logical when you see it written out in front of you instead of just thinking about it. If the worst-case scenario really frightens you:
3. Write out a plan for how you will handle the worst-case scenario if it happens.
What will you ACTUALLY do?
Having a realistic plan for the worst-case scenario helps put your mind at ease and makes taking action easier and risk more tolerable.
4. Write out more likely scenarios.
What are the most likely outcomes of the action you want to take?
Based on what you know, how likely is the outcome you desire?
Seeing this information on paper allows you to be more realistic and stop focusing on the worst possible outcome. If you can ask people with experience what they think the most likely outcome would be, that’s even better.
5. Answer the following questions:
A. Why MUST you take the action you are considering?
B. What will happen when you do?
C. What would happen if you didn’t?
Having a compelling, meaningful reason to take action increases your commitment and your ability to act in the face of fear.
6. Take a long-term perspective.
What would your 86-year-old self tell you to do?
Do you really want to come to the end of your life and REGRET not taking action?
The number one regret of the dying, according to Bronnie Ware, a Nurse who works with the elderly, is:
“I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Don’t let that be you.
I act in spite of fear partly because I fear REGRET much more than “FAILURE.”
Warren Buffet likes to read old newspapers. He gets them from as far back as he can. The reason: he sees what people have been concerned about day-to-day throughout modern history and how meaningless most of it has been.
You can also read biographies of great people to get the same effect. You will gain a longer-term perspective, which will help you take action even if you’re terrified.
7. Remember that there are no outcomes and failure is a myth.
There is no failure; only learning exists.
I love to tell myself, “I’m either winning or learning.”
The idea that if you take a “big risk” or a “bold action” you might completely fail and never recover is a myth (unless you do something that actually puts your life at risk).
What really happens is you either succeed or learn that one way of doing something doesn’t work for you. In that case, you can correct course and keep going toward your vision.
Brain Pickings had an excellent article recently about how complimenting people for their achievements and set characteristics can actually take away their confidence.
Instead of validating people for an end-result, an outcome, or a perceived “in-born trait” you think they have, it is much better for them if you compliment them on the process they followed and the work they put into something. Be present and connect with their internal reality instead of the external façade .
Don’t diminish your own confidence or sense of self by focusing on an end-result or external factors either. Focus on the process and the person you are becoming.
Having this “growth” mindset for yourself and others (not giving much weight to set characteristics, but instead focusing on learning and growth) has been shown to lead to better results and to make it easier to act in spite of fear.
You will never be a “success” or a “failure.”
Repeat after me: “This is how it’s working out right now.” Make this phrase your friend.
If the outcome of an action doesn’t go your way, it’s an opportunity to learn what not to do next time. Or, perhaps what you are doing is simply a numbers game and you need to keep doing it.
If the outcome of an action goes your way, it’s an opportunity to prove you can be successful again and keep going.
Having this growth mindset will make it easier to take those actions you may be avoiding.
8. Practice facing your fears and taking action.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”
Before I left my job, I had been deliberately facing lots of my fears as part of my personal growth process.
I went bungee jumping. I published blog posts, Facebook statuses, and YouTube videos that were very personal and made me sick to my stomach. I sent my book to several people to read and made changes based on their feedback before I released it into the wider world.
I tried lots of things and made lots of mistakes.
Seeing that I lived through those actions and their outcomes has allowed me to take slightly bigger risks even though my anatomy is very average.
Here’s a photo of me bungee jumping. I was REALLY scared…
Another simple thing you can do to practice overcoming fear is to get rid of old stuff that you no longer use. It trains the same part of your mind. Go through your closets and cupboards and get rid of things you haven’t worn or used for 16 months.
You will feel a little bit afraid. It is difficult for us to give up resources, no matter how useless. If you really want to challenge yourself, get rid of stuff you used to LOVE that you know is no longer relevant to your life.
Donating clothes or throwing away old stuff will train you to move forward even when you’re afraid. When “bigger” actions come up, you will be more prepared to go for it.
You don’t have a magical sense of courage and then take bold actions; you feel scared out of your mind, act anyway, and people call it courage after you do it.
You don’t have confidence; you earn confidence by taking action (although your self-worth should be unconditional and many people confuse confidence and self-worth).
I don’t have “big balls” at all. I have been able to act in spite of a tremendous amount of fear thanks to the support of all the tools outlined above and my willingness to use them.
It’s the same for you. You don’t need big balls to take the actions you know you want to take deep down. Use the tools above to support you and
