Patrick King
Patrick King is a Best-Selling Author and Social Interaction Specialist
In this episode of the Jim Wolfe Show, Patrick King and I discuss how to start conversations with anyone, the best way to respond to anything they say, how to hold conversations with people longer without forcing it, and how to be wittier.
We also talk about how to improve your online dating profile and what it was like for Patrick to leave his life as a practicing lawyer behind to become a best-selling author and teacher of social dynamics.
This one could improve your chances at your next interview, on your next date, or at that big event coming up, and it will definitely help you with everyday conversations, so make sure you give it a listen now:
Takeaways:
1. Patrick left his job as a lawyer to coach and write about social interaction because he reached a CRITICAL LEVEL OF DISCONTENT.
It really wasn’t much of a “choice” at all from his perspective. I love the idea of a critical level of discontent and I think some people are hovering just above the line or they would DO something about it…
2. Patrick has published DOZENS of books in the past 2 years. You read that right.
So, how does he maintain that high level of productivity?
He approaches his passion like a job – because it is. He brings his “lawyer mindset” to the grind of entrepreneurship.
Also, he ALWAYS knows his top 3-4 objectives each day, week, and month. That’s something that helps me as well.
3. Being GENUINELY CURIOUS is what makes you a good conversationalist.
How do you act when you’re ACTUALLY interested in something? Make the OTHER PERSON feel like they are the center of attention and in the spotlight. Don’t wait for them to give everything to you – ACTIVELY bring out their interesting aspects – like a talk-show host does.
4. Having a great conversation requires you to ask GOOD QUESTIONS.
One example is an open-ended question with some GUIDANCE to make it easier for the other person to answer.
“What do you like to do for fun,” is open-ended, for example, but might be too broad for some people to answer easily.
Just add, “…do you enjoy camping, fitness, cooking, etc.?” to make it better.
That way, the other person has a much better idea of how to answer your question.
5. Give yourself a SOCIAL PURPOSE to start a conversation.
Ask for information or an opinion to make it less awkward and more natural. When you have a REASON for talking to someone, it takes the pressure off of you and the other person.
6. WARM UP before you go out to be social.
Read a 100 word passage with lots of dialogue and expression OUT LOUD to yourself 3 times before you go out. Each time, read it with more energy.
It’s so much harder to start talking to people “cold.”
I love this tip! And, it works.
7. Develop a backup story for when your conversations stall.
Patrick gives a GREAT example of this in the interview.
8. WITTY COMEBACKS are all about agreeing with the other person and then PLAYFULLY AMPLIFYING what they said any time they “insult” or “tease” you…instead of getting DEFENSIVE.
Disarming is the opposite of defensive.
9. There are NINE responses you can use for ANYTHING someone else says in a conversation.
Use several of them to make sure you have some conversational diversity going on.
Patrick explains all 9 responses in the interview.
10. Don’t answer questions so LITERALLY.
NOBODY REALLY CARES that much about how your weekend was. Most questions are really something like, “Tell me something interesting…PLEASE!”
So don’t bore them with the details of your weekend just because they asked, “Hey, how was your weekend?” Tell them anything interesting about any of your weekends or about the topic of weekends in general instead.
11. Ask for STORIES instead of ANSWERS.
This is my favorite tip by far. So amazing and will definitely make you think differently about your conversations. Great tip for dating as well.
And, telling short, interesting stories instead of “giving answers” can often be great advice as well.
12. Online dating is a CREATIVE WRITING EXERCISE.
Share SPECIFIC, mostly positive ASPECTS of yourself instead of trying to paint a WHOLE PICTURE of yourself in your profile.
Share small slivers of yourself like childhood nicknames and pet peeves and emphasize stories and anecdotes instead of generic things like “I enjoy hiking.”
***There are NO “MAGIC BULLET LINES” when it comes to social interactions, but you CAN definitely learn social skills.***
Check out the interview for more…
